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2005-05-11 - 7:32 p.m.

Not much happand today i just rung Max but he wasn't there. He rung me up Monday and tuesday but Monday was at club, and tuesday i was at mataial arts with tom. It was good. Jade broke her shoulder today, cause Jamie jumped on her. He'll be so dead all he kept saying was it was a accident. Haven't seen little Oli much today. Nor Tom nor Diane i keep thinking that if some don't keep contact that somethings bad has happened. It's not nice i think it's cause when Ches kept going missing it can as such a suprise to me. He's in hospital i think. I know he's going soon i hear it all from Diane. We don't talk about any of them in are house. It's like there not even in the family and i've forgotten what the kids look like. I used be able to picture them in my head. I can't know. I watched "life isn't all ha ha he he" it was horrible. They were all deppresed specially this one who cut her self it was horrid watching it. It reminded me when i did it, and why i did it. Which isn't good because that's spose to all be behind me know. Least i had Ches to help me through then. Who have i got now well who understands anyway. Me and Tom were practising yesterday are matial arts and i was spose to touch his head, hips and knees some reason i coudn't bring myself to touch his hips it felt weird. It was frusrating and i wonder if it was because i haven't moved on. Or that Ches kissing me has brought it all back i don't know anymore.


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