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2005-06-01 - 3:17 p.m.

Turns out Ches went to commite sucide but had second thoughts cause he heard Rhianna's voice saying i love you. I don't think he will do it any more. I've been so bored was gonna have my hair cut but turns out im not now. Oh well later were goig to Nans after tea. 3 hours yet Karate was bit boring last night but you always get a boring day. Theres a tournment Sunday me and Tom are watching. There's other peole who are just watching as well. Mums getting on my nerves and she's not even doing anything which is weird. I think it's cause im bored so i get frustrated with everyone. I've finally realised why i can't trust Tom. It's cause having a year Ches helping me forget the thing with Tom. And Ches would always say if your not ready to trust him and talk to him. You don't have to. And all of a sudden im trusting him and talking to him about my worries. At fisrt i thought ches would be proud of me that im trusting him again. But im not he'd want me to do what i thought was best. So im gonna tell Tom i dont wanna talk to him about nutters stuff and whats making me do the things i do. E.g being sick hurting self. Which i think im gonna try really hard to stop. s/h will be easy to stop cause i never really done in the first place just known again. Being sick will be harder to stop cause half me is saying no its bad and the others say no do it. It's confussing and not good. If Ches know he'd blame himself so thats why im not gonna keep doing it till it gets addictive. Well thats all i wanted to say really....


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