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2005-05-30 - 5:46 p.m.

Todays been kinder naff me rents had a arguement. Dad said he'll help with the sandwhiches seems the kids never do anything. For some reason i got so angry i think its cause he says stuff like that so often. and i never say nothing but i had enoguh off him always goping on that im not good enoguh i got angry. so then i got really tempted to draw blood. But i ended up banging my head on the wall instead. It hurt it was good. I told Tom he was just going on i dont need to do it and its silly. Its like i know that but it dont make it any less tempting knowing that. He really dont understand he thinks he does but dont. You have to actually do it and knows how it feels to understand. He'd make a crap counciler. Jemma came round for me which was a suprise. Shes ok but shes such a whimp she darent go certain places coz shes scared she'll get beaten up or her mum will tell her off coz she's not aloud up there. I've beaten up before and im not scard ok a lil but i go anyway. Im not really sure if she does get beat up. The ple who do it are always older and older than me. And i dont think anyone older than me would beat a person off her age up. They might of made fun of her and she thought they'd beat her up. Im not sure she said shed come round for me later, or if not tommorow. I want to go to Wells been to hunny and it's getting boring now. Tom said he'll go with and he'll ring up. He won't he'll leave it to late and before you know it the weeks over. I got a feelin. Never mind maybe in 2 years time Jemma will be aloud to go. But she just 12 and when i was just twelve i woudnt be aloud on my own. Shes going to ......... school after this term. Maybe she'll be in Stevens class. I want him to go to Karate it would be cool. But i don't think Debbie would let him go. Chris rung me up today asking if i was gonna see star wars with him and the others. Ollie told him to ring not sure which one. Probly little cause he hasnt rung in a while. I didn't go i've never even seen any of the star wars movies. I felt a bit left out but it was star wars and it is lame. And Max was going never mind there be others. On my b/d i want every to see a movie id have to arrange it myself but Max normally does that. But i cant do it cause he's gone Big Ollie woudnt go cause he's bruves party. But hopefully every one else would. My orignal plan was cineama on my b/d then next day the whole family go out for a day. Well we can't tlk 2 Kerrys lot and Dianes lot are on hoilday so i'll get far. Got Steven oh no i havent he's at his nans saturdays. Got Gran not that shes horrible or something i just get so bored around her. And nans well shes not really boring but u want some a bit more your age. Shes lovely but not sure if id want her and Grandad me Dad Mum all on a day out to many adults and not enough kids or teens. If im with to many adults with no one my age ish i get bored and stressed. But if there funish then thats not to bad. Omg ches is in hospital Diane just told me on IM. He wanted to kill himself again. I can't believe it Diane said he was doing well. I gotta go talking to Diane.


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